خسرت حلماً جميلاً .. وما خسرت السبيلا ..
I had
so many plans .. so many dreams .. so many black and white drawings in my colouring book .. that I spent years outlining .. manifesting and painting..
and waited for you to bring to life ..
I had a plan for us .. a picture of a beautiful house .. that smelled like freshly baked vanilla cookies and cinnamon rolls from the inside and surrounded by beds of tiger lilies from the outside .. we had a small garden .. where we planted so many flowers .. trees and even raspberries ourselves.. and watched them grow everyday ..
We had two swings .. one was for me to ride with you at my back .. like you always do .. to catch me just in time .. and let me go .. you had a thing with timing ..and one .. was a sofa swing .. in which we sat .. and had our deepest conversations .. and silent endearments ..
Oh and the kids .. they had the best of us .. they had your kind eyes .. and noble heart .. they had my hair and my mischief .. we also had our own small garage built in our house .. in which we used to secretly sneak in late at night .. play our favourite movie on the garage wall and watch it from the front seats of our car , like our own cinema ..
We had all the time in the word .. we had times where I make you sit and listen to that new song I've been practising playing on my violin..
We always danced .. cheek to cheek .. hand in hand.. and breath to breath .. to the songs of Ella Fitzgerald , Louis Armstrong and Sir Frank Sinatra ..
There were so many nights that we were tired .. exhausted and all worn out .. but still we had time to listen to each other .. lean on each other .. understand each other .. support each other .. cheer each other up and be cheerleaders for one another .. and be merciful to each other ..
We travelled the world .. we walked through the streets of Rome .. threw coins at fountain Trevi .. and took a gondola in Venice .. and strolled in Florence .. all the way to Santorini .. ate chocolates in Vienna .. had amazing seafood in Prague .. hugged all cherry blossom trees in Japan .. snorkelled in the Maldives ..river rafted in Switzerland .. and the list goes on forever ..
We had every intent to make each other happy .. to fill our lives with love .. understanding .. respect and trust .. and we did defy the society's standards .. definitions , legacy and ideology of marriage .. by setting our own example ..
We had so many wonderful things .. but the most important treasure and blessing of all we had .. was our hearts .. my heart squeezed into your chest .. right beside your heart .. so that you had two heartbeats .. two lifetime supplies .. two of everything .. that eventually .. as we grow old and grey became one .. and that no matter how old we get .. and no matter
what life throws our way .. you still look at me with your dreamy brown eyes ..and see right through me .. see the young foolish and beautiful girl that you once loved.. who has witnessed all of you ..with all of your flaws .. shortcomings before your good traits.. and loved you still ..
But I did not get the chance .. I never did .. I don't know if life was too big for us .. and we did bit more than we can chew .. I don't know if it's bad timing .. or it's that we were not right for each other or that if our sins were too many that we were being punished for them somehow.. or that we did not know any better .. or that our fears .. and demons outnumbered us or was it that it was all too much to handle.. I really haven't figured that out yet .
What I do know is .. as poet Mahmoud Darwish perfectly describes it :خسرت حلماً جميلاً .. وما خسرت السبيلا ..
I had a plan for us .. a picture of a beautiful house .. that smelled like freshly baked vanilla cookies and cinnamon rolls from the inside and surrounded by beds of tiger lilies from the outside .. we had a small garden .. where we planted so many flowers .. trees and even raspberries ourselves.. and watched them grow everyday ..
We had two swings .. one was for me to ride with you at my back .. like you always do .. to catch me just in time .. and let me go .. you had a thing with timing ..and one .. was a sofa swing .. in which we sat .. and had our deepest conversations .. and silent endearments ..
Oh and the kids .. they had the best of us .. they had your kind eyes .. and noble heart .. they had my hair and my mischief .. we also had our own small garage built in our house .. in which we used to secretly sneak in late at night .. play our favourite movie on the garage wall and watch it from the front seats of our car , like our own cinema ..
We had all the time in the word .. we had times where I make you sit and listen to that new song I've been practising playing on my violin..
We always danced .. cheek to cheek .. hand in hand.. and breath to breath .. to the songs of Ella Fitzgerald , Louis Armstrong and Sir Frank Sinatra ..
There were so many nights that we were tired .. exhausted and all worn out .. but still we had time to listen to each other .. lean on each other .. understand each other .. support each other .. cheer each other up and be cheerleaders for one another .. and be merciful to each other ..
We travelled the world .. we walked through the streets of Rome .. threw coins at fountain Trevi .. and took a gondola in Venice .. and strolled in Florence .. all the way to Santorini .. ate chocolates in Vienna .. had amazing seafood in Prague .. hugged all cherry blossom trees in Japan .. snorkelled in the Maldives ..river rafted in Switzerland .. and the list goes on forever ..
We had every intent to make each other happy .. to fill our lives with love .. understanding .. respect and trust .. and we did defy the society's standards .. definitions , legacy and ideology of marriage .. by setting our own example ..
We had so many wonderful things .. but the most important treasure and blessing of all we had .. was our hearts .. my heart squeezed into your chest .. right beside your heart .. so that you had two heartbeats .. two lifetime supplies .. two of everything .. that eventually .. as we grow old and grey became one .. and that no matter how old we get .. and no matter
what life throws our way .. you still look at me with your dreamy brown eyes ..and see right through me .. see the young foolish and beautiful girl that you once loved.. who has witnessed all of you ..with all of your flaws .. shortcomings before your good traits.. and loved you still ..
But I did not get the chance .. I never did .. I don't know if life was too big for us .. and we did bit more than we can chew .. I don't know if it's bad timing .. or it's that we were not right for each other or that if our sins were too many that we were being punished for them somehow.. or that we did not know any better .. or that our fears .. and demons outnumbered us or was it that it was all too much to handle.. I really haven't figured that out yet .
What I do know is .. as poet Mahmoud Darwish perfectly describes it :خسرت حلماً جميلاً .. وما خسرت السبيلا ..
Saturday, March 28, 2015 | | 3 Comments
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